Monday, February 18, 2008

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

> HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMESTRY STUDENT
>
> The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
> chemistry mid term.
>
> The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
> it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
> have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
>
> Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
> (absorbs heat)?
> Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
> (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
> variant.
>
> One student, however, wrote the following:
> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
> need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
> at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
> a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
> leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different
> religions that exist in the world today.
>
> Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
> religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
> religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can
> project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they
> are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.
> Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
> Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to
> stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
> souls are added.
>
> This gives two possibilities:
>
> 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
> enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
> until all Hell breaks loose.
>
> 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
> Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
> over.
>
> So which is it?
>
> If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
> year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
> take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number
> two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
> already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell
has
> frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
> therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the
> existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
> shouting "Oh my God."
>
> THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+